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Humor !
Mar 19, 2004 4:28:56 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Mar 19, 2004 4:28:56 GMT -5
[glow=purple,3,30000]Let's make a page to laugh, so that when we're depressed it cheers us up. Anything funny is welcome ! For my part, I'll put regulary some sentences from this book British & American Humor that I bought a while ago! [/glow]
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Humor !
Mar 19, 2004 4:45:00 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Mar 19, 2004 4:45:00 GMT -5
Let's making fun about french to begin, he he he I'll put the ones about british & americans only later
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals - apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
Of all the crosses I have to bear, the heaviest is the cross of Lorraine (Winston Churchill)
The French: an erratic and brillant people... who have all gifts except that of running their country. (J Cameron)
If Racine knew any jokes, he kept them to himself. (Arthur Marshall)
The modern French duel is... one of the most dangerous institutions of our day. Since it is nearly always fought in the open air, the contestants are nearly sure to catch cold. (Mark Twain)
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Humor !
Mar 30, 2004 4:15:59 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Mar 30, 2004 4:15:59 GMT -5
About doctors :
Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.
"Did your father die a natural death, Mrs White?" "Oh, no! He had a doctor"
"Her son is a naval surgeon" "Really? How doctors specialise nowadays!"
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office" (Francis O'Walshe)
When I was young & full of life I loved the local doctor's wife & I ate an apple every day To keep the doctor far away. (Thomas Lamon)
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Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 2, 2004 2:00:58 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,9000]One of my english prof is really great (btw they all are but this one particulary, lol) look at what he gave us during a course (very funny for english speaker, less if you don't understand english very well, lol). Gosh I hope I'll never make such mistakes ! From Exhibitor oct 20, 1991
Translation run Amuck :
Worlds travelers discovered these contortions of the English language. A solace for overworked copywriters !
In a Copenhaguen airline ticket office : We take yours bags and send them in all directions.
In a Paris hotel elevator : Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Bucarest hotel lobby : The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant : Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a Rhodes tailor shop : Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
In a Japanese restaurant : You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. *
More to come later...[/glow]
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Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 6, 2004 5:15:44 GMT -5
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner : Cooles & Heates : If you want just condition of warm in your room, please contrrol yourself.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery : You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In a Swiss mountain inn : Special today - no ice cream.
In a Rome laundry : Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop : Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
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Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 8, 2004 3:52:06 GMT -5
In the office of a Roman doctor : Specialist in women and other diseases.
On the menu of a Polish hotel : Salad a firm's own make: limpid red beet soup with chessy dumplings in the form of a finger: roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people fashion.
In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Tokyo bar : Special thingytails for the ladies with nuts.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150 000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past 2 years.
In a Zurich hotel : Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency : Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisment for a donkey rides in Thailand : Would you like to ride on your own ass?
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Humor !
Apr 10, 2004 2:00:51 GMT -5
Post by Xander Snaps on Apr 10, 2004 2:00:51 GMT -5
Lol, here's some dumb stuff. Knock knock. who's there? Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln who? Didnt you learn anything in history? Lol, that was stupid. Here's a quote thingy I think Faithy might remember. "Thank you all for coming, even to those of you who werent invited and have no reason to be here." Lol, that's a funny one.
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Humor !
Apr 12, 2004 12:43:39 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 12, 2004 12:43:39 GMT -5
[shadow=purple,left,30000]Ok, I guess I'm going crazy, I was SURE I had answered after Willy... seems not. Nice ones Willy !!!
A bit more of these silly ones :
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance : English well speaking. Here speeching American.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager had personally passed all the water served here.
On a Norvegian thingytail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: Of this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner is dressed as a man.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up. [/shadow]
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april
Senior Member
My Core: Isolated. You fear love. Though you are love itself. Does that mean I fear myself?
Posts: 135
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Humor !
Apr 12, 2004 13:10:54 GMT -5
Post by april on Apr 12, 2004 13:10:54 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300] this doesn't really go with the topic of this post but I just wanted to say to Frenchy, I love your quote underneath your banner. That is so true, I can really relate to it. [/glow]
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Humor !
Apr 12, 2004 13:42:40 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 12, 2004 13:42:40 GMT -5
[glow=purple,4,90000]Glad you like it & can relate April. & if you look into the writing section, I posted it in the Quotes thread . It's something I found in Jan Siegel's book. This sentence, as so a few others in her books stroke me so I noted it down. I find it true as well, & I think it enables to be more positive when you've been deceived in friendships or relations! [/glow]
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april
Senior Member
My Core: Isolated. You fear love. Though you are love itself. Does that mean I fear myself?
Posts: 135
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Humor !
Apr 12, 2004 15:20:52 GMT -5
Post by april on Apr 12, 2004 15:20:52 GMT -5
Very true. But I feel that sometimes I'd rather get nothing, than be hurt like I've been But i can understand from the other point of view as well. I guess it just depends on the friendship and/or relationship...either way, it's a really truly great quote.
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Humor !
Apr 20, 2004 4:42:35 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 20, 2004 4:42:35 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,90000]Yeah I know. Would you be philophobic like I am? lol, look up in the dictionary, lol, you will understand.
Last of the Translation runs Amuck :
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. (if anyone can make sense with this one, congrats !!!)
In a hotel in Athens : Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When a passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In an Austrian hotelcatering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist : Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. [/glow]
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Humor !
Apr 27, 2004 4:29:17 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 27, 2004 4:29:17 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,90000]About books :
A book is a success when ppl who haven't read it pretend they have.
Lincoln once walked nine miles to borrow a book. Now, they close library on his bday.
He is so infatuated with himself that he always takes two extra copies of his love letters. One for himself, the other for the British Museum.
It took me 15 years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up coz by that time I was too famous. (Robert Benchley)
From the moment I picked it up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day, I intend reading it. (Groucho Marx)
You may be able to read someone like a book but you can't shut him up as easily.
Some ppl read coz they are too lazy to think. The road to ignorance is paved with good editions. (GB Shaw)[/glow]
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Humor !
Apr 27, 2004 5:35:08 GMT -5
Post by Faithy on Apr 27, 2004 5:35:08 GMT -5
Here is a list of some sarcastic but funny phrases...
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. No one is listening until you fart. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. We are born naked, wet, hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse.
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Humor !
Apr 27, 2004 5:41:42 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on Apr 27, 2004 5:41:42 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,90000]he he he, I love sarcasm. These are very great & if you got others like those I'd enjoy to read them ![/glow]
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Humor !
May 15, 2004 4:31:36 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on May 15, 2004 4:31:36 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,90000]Not a joke, those are riddles I learnt long time ago :
There is a fex, a goat & a cabbage running after one another : the fox wanna eat the goat & the goat wanna eat the cabbage. They arrive in front of a river & have to cross it but one by one because the boat is too frail. The ferryman has to take them so that they won't eat each other while they cross. Like he can't take the fox first coz meanwhile, the goat will eat the cabbage & so on. So, how does he do that?
Another one :
A man is in a prison. There are two doors, one which lead to freedom, & the other to death. They are also two guards : one always says the truth, the other always lies. The man can ask only ONE question, & he doesn't know which is the honest guard nor which is the good door. What question does he have to ask to be free?[/glow]
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Humor !
May 15, 2004 6:38:25 GMT -5
Post by Xander Snaps on May 15, 2004 6:38:25 GMT -5
Ummmmmm, ok. I'm now very confused.
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Humor !
May 19, 2004 10:47:42 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on May 19, 2004 10:47:42 GMT -5
He he he, you don't find the answers Willy? Let's see if some other can maybe, & then i'll give out the answers. Star, here are the some I had told about, I think many will enjoy, he he he
The optimists proclaims that we live in the best possible world. The pessimists fears that it is true. (JB Cabell)
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much. The man who is an optimist after 48 knows too little.
A pessimist forgets to laugh; an optimist laughs to forget.
Nothing is impossible to the man who doesn't have to do it himself. (WA Clarke)
Optimist : A husband who goes to the registrar every year to see if his marriage licence has expired. A man who shaves before weighing himself on the bathroom scales. A man who starts a crossword puzzle in ink.
An optimist is someone who reaches for the car keys when an after dinner speakers says: "In conclusion..."
An optimist is a driver who thinks that empty space at the curb won't have a hydrant beside it.
Optimist: A man who believes marriage is a gamble. (LJ Peter)
An optimist can always see the bright side of the other fellow's misfortune.
An optimist is a person who thinks you can take a nice leisurely drive with the family on Sunday afternoon.
I have suffered many things in this life, most of which have never happened. (GW Gates)
Divorce simply proves whose mother was right in the first place. (WA Clarke)*
Pessimist: One who wears both belt and braces at the same time. One who has been compelled to live with an optimist. A man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. One who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both. (Oscar Wilde) One who thinks everybody as nasty as himself and hates them for it.
He is a real pessimist: he could look at a doughnut and only see the hole in it. (W Comer)
When asked what he thought of Western civilization, Ghandi answered that he thought it would be a good idea.
A cynic is a man: who laugh at anything so long as it isn't funny. who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing (Oscar Wilde) who when he smells flowers looks around for a coffin (HL Mencken) who searches for an honest man with a stolen lantern (EA Shoaff)
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be. (Ambrose Bierce)
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth (Lillian Hellman)
A cynic is a sentimentalist afraid of himself.
The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those who haven't got it.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better that an onion, concludes that it will also make better soup. (HL Mencken)
A sceptic is a man who won't take know for an answer. (G James)
A sceptic is a person who would ask God for his I.D. card. (EA Shoaff)
If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty, you don't have a heart, but if you are still an idealist by thirty, you don't have a head. (R Bourne)
Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem. (John Galsworthy)
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Humor !
May 19, 2004 22:24:19 GMT -5
Post by Faithy on May 19, 2004 22:24:19 GMT -5
oh oh I know these, lol.. Should I give it away, hmm... If no one gets it in a day or 2 I will answer..
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Humor !
May 21, 2004 1:18:09 GMT -5
Post by Frenchy Faith on May 21, 2004 1:18:09 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,90000]no way? You know the answers? Wow, hardly anyone find the answers of these riddles! lol & it'll be better you to give the answer & the explanation, coz I was thinking how to say it in english & I think I would confuse everyone [/glow]
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